"Expectation is a drug...u get addicted to it so fast even though u do not want to take it anymore..."

Suicide

There was an article regarding the punishment for suicide. I too agree with the view that a suicide attempt should not be penalized or punished. An attempt to suicide is just an instinctive decision of the mind. When one thinks of killing her/him self, it is their own decision. A failed attempt would lead to only depression to the individual and an extra approach to punish the same would only lead to more mental problems.

How does it feel when you are in the brim of finishing your graduation and the options for a good future and selection of the best area for the future is still a glaring question mark in front of you…?

The Piano Room

It lead me into a room that was dark
And eerie
And looked like havens arena
Notes of music, salsa-ing and balae dancing
In the ball room of my mind
The plaintive tunes went high and low
And moved to and fro
Glimmers of light lit up and blinked
And it let the music flow still
Into the glassy ocean of innocence

The keys black and white when
I played it sensuously
It led me into a room of
Fantasizing dreams and colorful
Thoughts...

Like the dead ends when a music note
Finishes playing … it echoed with all mite
In the ears that longed for thirsty drops
In a quenching heart.

I held a brittle glass piece in my hands
It gleamed towards the sight in front of me
And there were few drops of water in it.
I could see some visuals clear, and some disfigured
Through the water droplets
Yet, I realized that the clarity through the glass
was indeed fake or mediated.

Some nights feel dead. The creatures squeaking outside seem to be in a whisper now. It’s not always welcomed. I mean this kind of emptiness. Even if there is rain, today it felt like a dirty rain. Something went wrong in some place. An awkward feeling, it doesn’t feel so nice. Some feeling that has to go unidentified in the bluish lavender strand of life.

When the blank document page in front of me still stays blank and stares at me with gleaming white, there is something that goes unwritten. White is peace, but here, white means blankness, a sudden emptiness. Yes, sometimes, feelings or mood drops! It drops with a jerk in the mind, that it goes unnoticed or rather unidentified. Rage complimented by fear, anger anguish all come and go by in through this time.

It is an unexpressed thought, something or maybe I questioning myself.

Life's a stance....its like moments passing away unknown, and letting feelings stride away even though you know ur not feeling the way you should....

THE DAYS YESTERDAYS...

The days yesterdays were soothened dreams
that fluttered and swung on the
flower laden swings of sweetest
hopes and enlightening wishes.

The days yesterdays were petals blooming
to sing aloud the joyous tunes
of love, lust and anger
that twinkled with laughter like
the many ripples on a puddle of emotions

The days yesterdays were the pages of a book
kept for scribbling down memories
that swayed and flashed and for some which stayed engraved
to be re-read and remembered while
passing through the unwindening turns
in the never ending road of the journey of life...

The days yesterdays,
often had promises kept untold and secrets shared
with a foam of soothness that
lathered on the layer of happiness, love, friendship and care...

The days yesterdays,
will have pencil marks that may be erased off
in the deeper course of the journey,
and engravings that would
remain bold in the depths of expectations and remembrances....

It's raining again....... :)

Yes, the rain is again splattering and spluttering near my window. Its been raining since long today and I am enjoying every second of it. The coolness of the rain takes me to a world of lightness and serenity. It’s like music flowing into the ears. Rain was once a symbol of sadness for me, but now, I wait for it and I love the company and the happiness it gives me. I love to see myself in the peaks of happiness when it rains. Often, my love poems sprout out when it’s raining heavily. I don’t like thunders and lightening. Here, I meant just the silent dance of the silent rain. Yes…I love the weather when the water drops are just splashing and splattering beside me….

Some of my thoughts on feminism and self

First and foremost, I am NOT a feminist.

Feminism is not fighting for a women’s right. Rather it is making yourself acclaimed or proven worthy in a particular field. I don’t believe in being 'equal' to any man, but I believe in having a certain understanding or balance with the opposite sex and hence creating a harmony. Human relationships are mainly based on understanding, so one should be able to understand the other person inorder to make your stand ready.

One’s self is the foundation for every action and reaction that takes place. If you are confident about yourself, then there is no need to make your self forcefully proven that you mean something. If you believe in yourself, then, even if the entire world is against you, you shouldn’t worry.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When you love the person who does not
‘seem’ to know you,
That ‘you’ might be the biggest question mark
In the eyes of everyone else,
Except,
Your’s…

Lament for the trees that adorned my college route....

June 5th 2007
Walking from my home to my college, there is a long route. That route is adorned with huge green trees. The trees occupied one half of the road. Along the ‘tree road’ the rain water splashed…when we walked by it, the footprints lay behind. The road beside was congested, yet, no one seemed to have trouble driving there. I never took an umbrella during the summer. It was always cool under the leafy shelter. The large avenue took us to the broad world of knowledge vivacious with its natural beauty. The mere presence of green was the driving force of any student of my college.

June 5th 2008
Walking from my home to college, there is still a long route. The route is now adorned with metal fences and concreted roads. The trees were all sent off and I had to even witness the farewell. The road now seems even busier. The traffic does not seem to have reduced. The rain water never waited for us to leave the footprints ‘coz concrete does not absorb water. I can see saplings being planted but, how many more years will it take for those to be grown into trees.
My bag is always heavy, be it summer or rainy season, I have an umbrella with me. The natural umbrella that was once there, is now nothing but just a part of sweet lost memories. Now like the concreted college, all our thoughts have become or started to become solid. There is no inner driving force to speed up our minds. Its only if we think to make up, we can.

Oh dear trees, which adorned the college route…. I miss you so much…. I everyday wish I had passed out of college long before you were being betrayed by the same species who planted you there.

:) :) Juz felt happy...so.... :) :)

When the whole world sleeps and you have just your headphones and some good music to listen to with a mild breeze blowing from the window side, you can feel the simplicity of this world and the beauty of how you can feel so happy with yourself….you really don’t feel like having anyone else with you at that time…it’s a feeling that cannot always come in us. And if you are lucky, you can be supplemented by rain too…that too juz drizzle…

Life’s so pleasant…actually everything is pleasant. Its just how you view it and how you approach it…and for me when my mobile balance is a complete zero, I feel so light as I have no liabilities to call anyone…

But expectations are nice…just don’t expect too much…you expect your phone to blink sometime…but it may just not…no, that should matter or hinder your happiness.

An uncommon friend messaging you saying…”hey Winnie, just thought about you. So msgd…gnite “ …sweet na? such moments are precious…coz these are unexpected…

Life’s good. And will always be good…

DRUG

You are like a seductive drug
That injects in me just poison
To drain off my tears and
In the end leave me dead.

Asatoma Satgamaya

Let the mind travel in tranquility
Into the deep woods of truth and innocence
Let it travel the yards and valleys
Of the unsaid facts and temperaments of the universe

Let the mind move in consciousness
Into the widest stream of existing delectation…
And let it surge the urge to find out
The true meaning of the existence of this world…

Let the mind see the lit lamps that glow
Glow at the nudeness of the corroding world
And try to erode the rust off the edges of human mind
Let it try to cluster the randomized thoughts into one…

Let the mind find ways to seize the mistakes
Of inner selves and bring into ‘Dharthi’
The sweeter melodies of caring the earth…
And softer ways of loving the nation…

Let the mind break the chains that bound the psyche
And help it to move in the path of righteousness
Let it stop the growing narrowness
And help oneself to move along wider paths of broadness…

Asatoma Satgamaya…
Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya
Mrityorma Amritam gamaya
Om santi santi santi…..

Yet I Let My Emotions Float...

The bridges of emotions standing front
Blocking the paths of my transparent passion
Realizing unimportance that was serving me all while
Yet I let my emotions float…
Through the rough paths, always miles.

Those naked facts strangling me
Passing by my face so sharply clear
It tore the veins of my passion’s dream
Yet I let my emotions float…
in the river of repeated ignorance

Hopes that befriend me are tireless
Hurts and pains abound me to the deepest
Expectations confront me in the path of existence
Yet I let my emotions float…
even in the solitary solitude of tears…

Open arms spread abroad for an embrace to give you
Blowing my frizzy hair in the morning air
Never would thy come to me I know
Yet I let my emotions float…
In the decrepit creak of expectations…

Words that my pen scribbles on about you
Disguises its way of feeling of what it actually means
But my hands stagger if I write ill about you
Yet I let my emotions float…
through the serene pages of the book of love and only love…

The Corridor

When in that dark corridor I stood
Knowing nowhere to go or how to move
When I took my steps forward,
Something was pulling me backwards

Was it something? Or was it someone?
I don’t know…I never could make out…
When that dark corridor called me to go
I could feel its sound echo in my ears

Still, I dint know which way to move…
I tried putting my steps forward…
The noise of my foot steps also echoed in the corridor
Still, my mind was pulling me back

And the threads that bound my mind was strangling in itself…
I leaned against the wall next to me
And my bangles fell on the ground…
Broken and shattered into pieces many…

And still I felt some haunting music inside me
Beating harder and harder
The walls now became stained with blood
I covered my face inside my hair…

And still stood their silent…
Those pieces falling on the floor…
That too echoed through the corridor
Something was pulling me back…

Still, I dint know how to move
And I stood there silent and stunt…
In a stance as though blankness occupied me…
Without even moving a single step forward…

hey all...

this is an interview I gave recently...

http://bluewhale-bluemangobooksblogspotcom.blogspot.com/

do have a look and drop in your comments...
rgds
Winnie

RED

Red, red, red , blew the wind
It blew the curtains to and fro
Flashed memoirs good and bad
Through my mind it flashed a bright!

It all seemed like illusions
like mixed colors splashed in oil
I couldn't make out blue or yellow
my emotions all seemed oily stained

It was red, red, red
Red within me, a sudden gush of love
Love, blank, un-understood
Red, dropped tears with a rush of anger

The mixed notes of ambient music
Thronged into my ears and still...
I couldn't make out why it was red
Why it was red within me...

It played till its highest tone
And broke at the peak and left me….astound!
Like a break fall of emotions
Emotions un-understood, complete love, anger and anguish...

Scrapping!

Well guys was wondering what to write. all these days it was just my poems and articles and when i was going through it i felt it a bit too formal. of course u guys wud get bored always reading my stuff. [:p]


hmm...me a mass comm student... and now completely enjoying the course i took. it has helped me express myself in so many ways. and this is another way of communication. well. i feel very nice today. today has been nice. as if now in college, nothing much of studies are happening. its always some fest n all. n we are thoroughly enjoying the no-class environement! hehe...actually u know its the 4th semester and we r supposed to be glued to our books as the university examinations are coming about. hmm but this semester seems to be the most lively of all and the most busy of all.

was just wondering wht was there in my books. seriously i havent gone through so many things...hmm as of now i am not feeling guilty about it. i may feel one day before the exam hmm!!

wot else...have got few great frens now...feel as though i have so many poeple around to taek care of me! its a good feel u know...


its ma frend Naila's bday on 27th n my bros bday too....happy bday both of ya...

well....wot else to write....hmm nothing much now...

will talk laters then....byee for now....